Really Hard

Well, today I went back to work. The work part I enjoyed, since I really like my job. Unfortunately, I can't bring my sweet baby with me, so I had to leave her at daycare. No matter how much we liked the daycare we picked out, it killed me to leave her there.

They were really nice about it, they told me to stay as long as I wanted to. But the longer I stayed, the more I cried. So I just waited until she was asleep (she was already pretty asleep when I got there) and handed her off. But I couldn't go to work sobbing, so I thought I'd grab a cup of coffee... not helpful. So I went to Mom's work instead. I needed a hug, and someone who had been there to tell me it was ok and she would be ok and it would get better. Mom and Sherry and Carrie told me all those things, then we talked a little. And I managed to get all the way to work without crying. But then the first person I saw in my office said "Welcome back! Was it hard to leave her?" To which I wanted to say, "No, I enjoyed leaving my 6 week old baby whom I love more than I thought possible with total strangers so that I could come back to work even though all I really want is to be able to stay home with her and the last six weeks have been nearly perfect for me." But all I said was Yes, and, of course, teared up again. However, my boss was really sweet, she told me to make whatever adjustments to my schedule that I needed to make. And all of my immediate coworkers were really nice, too. They got me flowers and a gift certificate to Super Suppers, which was really sweet. And they were very understanding all day; nobody really expects me to do a lot of after school stuff for a couple of weeks. So once I got to work, I was a lot better. And I got to go see Elena at lunch and nurse her, which was really nice.

I think her first day at daycare went better for her than for me! She slept a lot, and ate, and sat in the swing... sounds like a good day for a baby! I've never been so excited to see her as I was when I got to go pick her up. Tomorrow may be a little rougher, because I have an all day meeting, so I won't be able to go nurse her at lunch. But, hopefully, I'll make it through without too much trouble. Either way, I guess I'll get used to it, and it'll get better.